a chilling account of things i have eaten

i am feeling nostalgic today.

all i wanted for christmas one year was a rock tumbler. i imagined that i could fill it with ugly rocks set it on tumble and produce glorious geodes. after one attempt (that resulted in a bunch of smooth, though still ugly, rocks) i discarded my precious tumbler for a much cooler creepy crawlers set. over the years i ate countless crawlers and i like to think that i am personally responsible for the manufacturer's decision to create an edible, more child-safe crawler formula.

i was always chewing on stencils from my spyrograph set. i also ate a lot of colorforms.

and koala yummies, but they were meant for eating.

one year, i had my birthday party at chuck e cheese's, because it was a real cool place to be a kid and i traded in my tickets for a neat glitter wand. days later, i was playing sorcerer in my backyard and approached my mom, tapped her on the head and said "poof you're a toad". but due to my crippling speech impediment my mom heard "poof you're a turd" and grounded me.

i fell off my bike once, right around the time i got my training wheels off. i was riding down my street and i turned around to wave to my parents and somehow managed to hit a fire hydrant and knock myself out. i woke up back at my house literally covered in band aids and terrified of bikes. i never really rode a bike again, but i did have a bike, and it did have some pretty cool handlebar streamers.

i always wanted floam, but my parents would never let me have it. my dad still swears that children of the 90s are going to die horrible-cancer deaths due to floam exposure.

my childhood was really all about eating things i shouldn't, being punished for being awkward, and being denied floam. oh, and for some reason the book 'there is no such thing as a dragon' played a big role in my upbringing.

clearly, i have spent my afternoon perusing through images of my childhood. i encourage you to do the same.