yes please, i would like some cheese with that whine.

i have two really big pet peeves that i would like to share with you.

1. people who are so grossed out by public restrooms that they either, a. lay 1,000 scraps of toilet paper on the seat to avoid direct contact or, b. hover over toilet seat to avoid direct contact.

this behavior results in forcing the person who uses the bathroom next to either, I. sweep the scraps, which are at this point probably covered in urine, into the toilet or, II. wipe the culprit's urine off of the toilet seat with a piece of toilet paper. i find these behaviors to be selfish and juvenile. and also, in the case of the 1,000 scraps, super wasteful. if you are that scared of a public toilet seat i suggest you carry an external catheter leg bag system as to not inconvenience non-neurotic restroom users.

2. people who have poor umbrella etiquette.

umbrella etiquette has gone the way of the buffalo folks. the large majority of umbrella-wielding citizens are so very concerned about getting wet that they have no respect for their non-umbrella carrying friends and neighbors. there are several ways this plays out 1. the umbrella user, burrowed deep beneath their plastic dome, spills the rain runoff from their umbrella onto an unsuspecting individual while they attempt to navigate umbrella congested streets, 2. the umbrella user, still safe beneath their umbrella, stabs an innocent bystander in the eye with the sharp wire of their horribly decrepit parasol 3. the umbrella carrier, now inside, rests their dripping umbrella on chairs and tables, leaving puddles everywhere. this behavior results in them staying dry and happy while soaking, mutilating and ruining the days of those who lack a bumbershoot.

these are the people who ruin my days, and i hate them for it.

happy fourth of july sirs and madams!

The good life

Ted Bowman was in New Orleans for a glorious week. He was here for less than an hour when he got yelled at by the streetcar conductor for trying to bring on a cup of whiskey. Once I got out of work he was drunk and hiding in the Ritz Carlton without cell phone service and I was afraid I had lost him in his first three hours in town. It was a good start. It was really awesome that Ted got along so well with my friends here after a few days bc initially when I was at work and would leave him alone he'd get drunk and confused or bitten by insects or spill things on himself.

We went all over the city, got drunk before noon a couple times and had fancy schmancy dinner at Jacquesimo's. Friday I sent Ted to Miss Mae's while I was closing the coffee shop and he had seven $1 drinks in an hour so when I went to collect him he was hiding behind the trash cans outside from a man named Greg who was trying to hold Ted's attention by buying him liquor and being very forward. We ran away and stopped at the next bar where he made me do four red snappers in fifteen minutes and after that I think we danced, maybe I got in a fight at the taco stand and we def did more shots. But I can't really be sure of the accuracy or order of any of that.

Other highlights of the trip included getting a cab company to deliver Monopoly to my house at 10 pm on a Wednesday which I had no idea you could do and then the afternoon we went swimming at the Hotel Monteleone's pool. When someone from the hotel asked us to register with our room number Ted handled it beautifully with his best authority voice, fake room number and obtained more strawberry abita in the process. Fabulous.

In other news, summer is great. I've been doing a lot with the GNO Fair Housing Action Center and trying to make a dent in my overly ambitious reading list. Also, I started doing roller derby! I love it so so so much. My body hated me after the last practice in the park for falling without wristguards and somehow rolling into the dirt but I'm really happy about all of it. My roller derby girl name: Moxycontin.

Today I went to a birthday brunch at the Columns Hotel, now am headed to an open bar party for a coworker and then I will watch Tank Girl with my roommate and go into a vegetative state for a while.