yes please, i would like some cheese with that whine.

i have two really big pet peeves that i would like to share with you.

1. people who are so grossed out by public restrooms that they either, a. lay 1,000 scraps of toilet paper on the seat to avoid direct contact or, b. hover over toilet seat to avoid direct contact.

this behavior results in forcing the person who uses the bathroom next to either, I. sweep the scraps, which are at this point probably covered in urine, into the toilet or, II. wipe the culprit's urine off of the toilet seat with a piece of toilet paper. i find these behaviors to be selfish and juvenile. and also, in the case of the 1,000 scraps, super wasteful. if you are that scared of a public toilet seat i suggest you carry an external catheter leg bag system as to not inconvenience non-neurotic restroom users.

2. people who have poor umbrella etiquette.

umbrella etiquette has gone the way of the buffalo folks. the large majority of umbrella-wielding citizens are so very concerned about getting wet that they have no respect for their non-umbrella carrying friends and neighbors. there are several ways this plays out 1. the umbrella user, burrowed deep beneath their plastic dome, spills the rain runoff from their umbrella onto an unsuspecting individual while they attempt to navigate umbrella congested streets, 2. the umbrella user, still safe beneath their umbrella, stabs an innocent bystander in the eye with the sharp wire of their horribly decrepit parasol 3. the umbrella carrier, now inside, rests their dripping umbrella on chairs and tables, leaving puddles everywhere. this behavior results in them staying dry and happy while soaking, mutilating and ruining the days of those who lack a bumbershoot.

these are the people who ruin my days, and i hate them for it.

happy fourth of july sirs and madams!

a good wife always knows her place

i am feeling very pestilent this afternoon. and, no, its not because of the chronic nosebleeds i have been experiencing as of late. nor is it because my face swelled to inappropriate proportions while i slumbered last night. but, thanks for asking. the truth is i was on facebook earlier today, judging high school friends (you know how we do) and one of my friends posted photos of her honeymoon. i couldn't help but notice all of the comments were to the effect of "wow you are the hottest wife ever" and "you guys are such an attractive couple, you'll have such beautiful babies". i found these comments totally offensive.

shouldn't we as, twenty-something women want to be something more than a trophy wife and/or baby farm? shouldn't we be offended when our closest friends comment only on our looks and gene pool?

but she wasn't offended. she was flattered. i think it's super sad that the smart and interesting girls i grew up with are now just perpetuating the stupid role of obedient wife, mother and housekeeper.

i stumbled, via jezebel, onto the Good Wife's Guide from the May 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly. what i find most upsetting about this guide is that women my age actually adhere to some of these tips, even today. like, my fucking god, really? anyway the guide is pasted below for your viewing pleasure. that being said, have i told you lately, that you are all super hawt?

You know you've made it...

When someone makes a corn maze out of you.


http://www.whitehousecornmaze.com/