Road Dread

Ask and ye shall receive.

I hope this suffices, Peaches. Can this be my Christmas gift from someone?

Thanks,

Paul

Blogger Spam Detection

So Blogger recently installed a new spam detection dongle that filters out all those Chinese spam comments. Its super effective. Since they turned it on, I have not received one single spam comment on my other bloggg (previously I was getting 2 to 5 per post). Could we get Sir Not Appearing un-privatized so I dont have to sign in to see it/can receive it in my Googz Reader??

PS, someone post something... something stupid. fast.

We Went To Europe

Four Loko'd

The urban dictionary for four loko is pretty epic. Here's a sample entry that made me think of sir not appearing.

"hey, angela, you wanna let's hit up the spur stop again this friday night and get some four lokos?!"
"hell yeah! I love four loko so fucking much! I'm gonna get two!!"
"angela just one will fuck you up. please do not throw up in my car again."
"oh i know. i'm drinking one tonight and hiding the other in my room so i can drink when i'm bored...."

And finally, I leave you all with this. I spent my entire weekend watching this video on repeat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSQNry_U7oA

real motion pictures

look at me, joey p, mel, and peaches! in 3d!










heyooooo

follow up to kdhl

i kept thinking of this during the big cat video (below)


world trade towers?

BIG CAT(nip)

celebrity doppelgangers - the plot thickens!

me: http://i.imgur.com/cQgMa.jpg
Samantha: heh
wait is this like an actual thing?
me: i have no idea
john posted it on my wall
with the title "THE CONSPIRACY WIDENS"
Samantha: yah i just saw that
i didnt know of this conspiracy
they are doing a good job of covering it up
me: well
for years and years john and i have been obsessed with celebrity doppelgangers
and patient zero of that obsession was nick nolte/gary busey
Samantha: wait a second, i thought those were pictures of gary busey and will ferel
me: ha, see!!!!
on the left is nick nolte
he fooled you!
Samantha: he did
he fooled me just now
me: i only know because i've been studying his habits for years
Samantha: i see
me: i don't know if that's will ferrell in the third frame
i thought it was but now i'm not so sure
busey makes me doubt everything about myself
Samantha: it would be strange to give him two photos and nick nolte and gary busey just one
me: exactly!!!
Samantha: there must be a fourth
me: WHO IS IT?!!?!?
i'm gonna have to call an expert:
DREW LAZOR
Samantha: give him a ring
the people must know the truth
me: EVERYONE MUST KNOW
Samantha: chad smith?
Samantha: http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://media.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/882065/80786329.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80786329/&usg=__HJ-0Ihj5S7TBFdCuG0pHjbAnfc0=&h=494&w=500&sz=49&hl=en&start=1&itbs=1&tbnid=y1StpWw5uoCxSM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchad%2Bsmith%2Bwill%2Bferrell%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1
good gravey, thats a link
i guess they look alike?
me: mmmm
kinda
WHO IS THE MISSING LINK BETWEEN BUSEY AND FERRELL
Samantha: i dont know!!!!!!
me: ah god
SUCH TORTURE
Samantha: no one in my office knew, someone guessed christopher reeve, but i dont see it
me: yea i don't think so....


i haven't gotten a hold of drew yet, but i'll post an update if i hear from him.

UPDATE!

Drew has solved the mystery!!

me: drew, i need your help on something
but i have to warn you - once i show you this, you will never be the same
so, let me know when you've prepared yourself
Drew: hello
bring it on
me: ok
ok
http://i.imgur.com/cQgMa.jpg
now
the untrained eye sees two pictures of gary busey, two of will ferrell
but you and i, we're better than that
we realize it's nick nolte in frame 1, busey in 2, and ferrell in 4
BUT WHO IS IN THREE?!!?
Drew: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000579/
bam
me: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
RON PERLMAN IS THE MISSING LINK
Drew: always has been
MOM! THE MEATLOAF
me: hahaahha
spectacular!
man, drew, you really are the king
Drew: the king of identifying ron perlman
ill take it

THE YEAR! was 2005

Twas the year of the Youtubes... and the Youtubes demanded gerunds like 'youtubing'.

Twas a new era, and our class needed a photo day.

but good times are destined to end, when in 2012, Bill "youtubes" Withers died.

yes please, i would like some cheese with that whine.

i have two really big pet peeves that i would like to share with you.

1. people who are so grossed out by public restrooms that they either, a. lay 1,000 scraps of toilet paper on the seat to avoid direct contact or, b. hover over toilet seat to avoid direct contact.

this behavior results in forcing the person who uses the bathroom next to either, I. sweep the scraps, which are at this point probably covered in urine, into the toilet or, II. wipe the culprit's urine off of the toilet seat with a piece of toilet paper. i find these behaviors to be selfish and juvenile. and also, in the case of the 1,000 scraps, super wasteful. if you are that scared of a public toilet seat i suggest you carry an external catheter leg bag system as to not inconvenience non-neurotic restroom users.

2. people who have poor umbrella etiquette.

umbrella etiquette has gone the way of the buffalo folks. the large majority of umbrella-wielding citizens are so very concerned about getting wet that they have no respect for their non-umbrella carrying friends and neighbors. there are several ways this plays out 1. the umbrella user, burrowed deep beneath their plastic dome, spills the rain runoff from their umbrella onto an unsuspecting individual while they attempt to navigate umbrella congested streets, 2. the umbrella user, still safe beneath their umbrella, stabs an innocent bystander in the eye with the sharp wire of their horribly decrepit parasol 3. the umbrella carrier, now inside, rests their dripping umbrella on chairs and tables, leaving puddles everywhere. this behavior results in them staying dry and happy while soaking, mutilating and ruining the days of those who lack a bumbershoot.

these are the people who ruin my days, and i hate them for it.

happy fourth of july sirs and madams!

There was blood

Samantha: so tell me more of this break in, but tell me as if it occurred in a nancy drew novel

9 minutes

2:06 PM me: the night was dark

2:08 PM Nancy and Bill went to a near by bar to see a band and visit with friends.

2:09 PM Nancy had every intention of going home in an hour or so, as she wanted to get up early the next day

2:10 PM but she ended up seeing several people out and before they knew it it was past 2 o'clock and the bartender was starting to kick people out

2:12 PM Bill said that he had to go by his place to pick up some clothes for the next day before heading back to Nancy's house to go to sleep.

2:13 PM As the two of them rode together to the bar, nancy agreed to go along will Bill to his house to pick up his stuff

2:14 PM they arrived at the house to find Bill's two roommates, who had also just arrived looking concerned and scared.

"have either one of you been bleeding today?" Zack asked as they walked through the door

2:15 PM "no" nancy and bill replied together.

why?

Samantha: haha nancy, your period!

me: because there is blood everywhere

2:17 PM They then looked over to the living room window and saw that the glass had been broken and was shattered all over the living room floor

there was a trail of blood leading from the broken window into the hallway.

2:18 PM they followed the trail of blood into the bathroom and saw it smeared all over the bathroom sink.

2:20 PM continuing on, they found blood on the light switches of all the bedrooms, and some on the bedroom floors, indicating that the intruder searched the whole house

2:21 PM there was even blood in Bernie's closet.

but nothing was missing.

the cash that Bill left on his dresser in plain sight was still there

the guitars in the living room hadn't been touched,

2:22 PM the playstation and computers were intact.

it was a matter of moments before Nancy and the boys realized that the intruder wasn't looking for something. They were looking for someone.

2:23 PM to be continued

Samantha: oh my, that is a scary tale

and well told indeed

Biking biking biking

Here I am in Buffalo, NY, land of Buffalo wings and hippies. Justin and I are eleven days in to the trip. It's strange and wonderful how slow time is going. It feels like it's been months since Joan's wedding, and even last week seems so long ago. Waking up in one town and then working really hard for hours to go forty miles and then being in a totally different place splits up the day in a really defined way. The wedding was so much fun, Joan was gorgeous and please look at Robert Bottomley's flickr for awesome pictures and a chicken fighting video. If the audio was clearer you could hear Joey P asking for a helmet since he's already trying to sort out head injuries and me screaming no mercy. Watch for Ted Bowman punching Grandma in the chest where it all falls apart.

We've gone 370 miles with just the Canadian stretch left till Detroit and then the US Social Forum. Then Chicago and New Orleans via train. Almost every person who has asked where we're from has then asked about the oil spill and it's always in the back of my mind. It surprised me to see a storefront here with lots of pictures of oil covered seagulls and info about the spill with a criticizing list of everything Buffalo could recycle but doesn't. The more people who are aware of the constantly gushing oil that is killing everything in the gulf the more glimmers of hope I have, but srsly, FUCK BP.

The riding of the bicycle has definitely gotten easier. After crossing over the Berkshire Mountains, which I thought was going to make me cry and/or collapse, all the hills just don't seem as bad. There's been a lot of rain but it's a good excuse to chill out and explore. We spent an extra day in Pittsfield, MA and got to see this awesome documentary, Con-Artist, about crazy Mark Kostabi and go candlepin bowling. Met an old couple there from CA who go on a vacay every year to the Northeast for weeks and just hit up every candlepin bowling alley.

We've had really great hosts through couchsurfing and just asking people if we could camp in their backyards. Except in Canadaigua, NY where all the people we asked basically told us to leave town until a really really wasted guy said we could sleep in his yard and use the hot tub and pool. Score! The next morning he had this look that wasn't totally an "I forgot I said this was okay" look, but he seemed a little puzzled when we came inside.

Heading to a hippie-dippie art market now and tomorrow Niagara Falls. Maybe in Canada it never rains and is totally flat. And maybe there's a bike path across all of Ontario so trucks won't pass me at 60 mph and I feel like I may fly into a ditch. It's possible?

live free or die hard II: revenge of the cats

big thanks to big cat tilley for "unclenching his fist" or whatever. that said, i do not wish to adopt his views on foreign affairs. i hate those asshole spammers. whenever i check the blog and see that there are 4 or 5 comments on a new post, i think to myself "what a day, my human friends are commenting on each other's posts again. praise be!". but then, it turns out to be some asshole saying legitimately creepy things about cats dying. i am tired of these spammers terrorizing our blog. so i updated the blog so that only authors can view posts. if we have a human friend who is not an author but enjoys reading our blog (we don't) let me know and i will make said human friend an author. if we miss our spammer's cryptic fables (we might) i can always change the settings back. thank you and god bless america, etc.

Direct Diplomacy

Dear Spammer(s) of ambiguous origin,

I recently saw this video from Big Boi, a much beloved American rap artist from the American South. Do you also find it visually stimulating, and its lyrics of the utmost quality? The beats also caused me to gyrate slightly in my computer chair. I hope you feel and respond in the same way too!

Big Boi - Shutterbug [Official Video]
- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

Note to my fellow Sirs and Madams not Appearing: In the nature of our dearest President's talk of "we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist", I have decided to directly address our newest contributors.

Let's give this spy bot a human face.

holy diver

in loving memory:

And a hear-n-aid hair metal star spectacular:

starring Logan???

Its around minute 5:55 and is definitely worth watching in it's entirety.

and this is also amazing:

Summer Soundtrack

I'm compiling my summer playlist and wanted to know what you guys are playing for hot weather fun.

KDHL Super Ultra Summertime 2010 Mix Tape

The Miracles- Going to a Go Go
The Kinks- Victoria
The Box Tops- The Letter
The Go Gos- Vacation
Tilly and the Wall- Pot Kettle Black
Beirut- My Night with the Prostitute from Marseilles
The Miracles- (Come Round Here) I'm the One You Need
The Rolling Stones- Gimme Shelter
Joan Jett- Do You Wanna Touch Me?
Phoenix-Lisztozamania
The Marvalettes- Beachwood 45789
David Bowie- Oh! You Pretty Things
The Kinks- All Day and All of the Night


(Hidden Tracks:
Jay Z- On to the Next One
Miley Cyrus- Party in the USA)

give me your address, get a sweet postcard from vegas

put your address in the comments and you might also get one from our beloved spammer. <3

jazzland: where dreams come true and then are flooded and abandoned

"King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England."

This past weekend Breonne and I went to Jazzland.

The park opened in 2000 as Jazzland, and became Six Flags in 2002. It closed before the storm hit in August 2005, and has been closed ever since. There have been plans to redevelop it and plans to demolish it, but when it comes down to it, the park will almost certainly just sit, abandoned, until it gets swallowed up by the swamp it was built on....

...because, um, it's roughly fucked.

This was easily one of the creepiest experiences of my life.

If not for the nearby highways, it would be completely silent there. There is a neighborhood nearby, but _maybe_ half the houses are occupied. Jazzland is also one of the only places I've seen water lines for the past year or so.

The debris around the park is probably the weirdest part. To think that less than five years ago, these stuffed animals were highly sought after prizes for silly games, and now they are simply disintegrating mold colonies.

But really, like so much other shit in New Orleans, despite the impending and totally evident doom that this place has seen and will endure, there's still a strange, calm beauty to it.

It made Breonne very happy that we were there, for a little while...

...until we realized we were in New Orleans East - which, if not for the Vietnamese food, would be the most depressing place I have ever been, hands down. (It still kinda is anyways.) So we got some Vietnamese food and got the fuck out of town, but not before snapping this gorgeous photo.

JAZZLAND!

Afternoon Tea

Hello Sir and Madams not Appearing on this Blog, Greetings Big Cats,

This past Sunday afternoon, I headed over to the Capitol to see what all the fuss was about. The first group I happened upon was approximately 40 middle aged Tea Partiers rallying around Congressman Steve King (R-IA) on the west side of the Capitol. (careful folks, don't go calling them tea baggers, because now it's apparently a "...denigrating word with negative connotations. It’s as bad as calling a black person the N-word").

Congressman King had been speaking to the crowd for about 10 min. when I showed up. I was more interested in the composition of the crowd than the comments coming out of the megaphone, but things got interesting when he brandished that little acorn you see in the photo. After pulling it out of his pocket, and dusting off the lint, he explained to the crowd that it served as a constant reminder of what he is fighting against. This was followed by snarky comments about ACORN being on the verge of bankruptcy, and evoked a shouts of approval, clapping and peals of laughter.

After watching these antics for a few more minutes, I moved on to the shouts and cheers coming from the south side of the Capitol. This is where the main contingent of Tea Partiers had set up shop, and were waving their flags and falling into impromptu chants of "Kill this Bill".

"Call the Wam-bulance"

The crowd was a mixed bag - three parts Tea Partier, one part by-standers who stood on the outskirts of the crowd and observed the Tea Partiers with a befuddled expression on their face. An occasional by-stander would strike up a conversation with a demonstrator, but most kept to themselves. I weaved through the crowd and snapped a few photos, but made my way out after I heard a few of the Partiers grumble "That one there with the camera, he must be a lobbyist".

The Tea Partiers were not the only group out exercising their freedom of assembly. A small contingent of supporters of the House and Senate Health Care bills were out, and right down the Mall, tens of thousands rallied to sound the call for immigration reform. When the Tea Partiers fell silent, their chants and calls for reform could be heard off in the distance.

i figured it out logan don't worry

Which one of you was it?!

Never Forget

i took 6 photos of helicopters at the saints victory parade?

What I think of the Super Bowl

Look, all Im saying is that theyre no Denver Broncos

Poor Neglected Blog

This is the last time I'll be sober for about a week. I finally stopped being flu-y today and it's wonderful to finally have enough energy to go destroy my body again. Mardi Gras is now, amazing and the best time of the year. Rejoice!

Late Christmas posts

i also put a bunch of Nola pictures on flickr

Robble Robble: The sordid history of McDonaldland

tonight, logan and i have plans to feast upon hamburger helper. i called it hamburglar helper (har har) and hilarity ensued; logan said if we dont eat hamburglar helper he will grimace (har har har).

ugh. anyway, i went to the mcdonaldland wikipedia page and learned so much about the mcdonaldland charecters! i wanted to share some cool mcdonaldland facts with you:

-Grimace is an anthromorphic purple tastebud.
-Initially, Grimace was the "Evil Grimace", with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes. After that first campaign, the character was revised to be one of the "good guys", and his number of arms was reduced by two.
-Grimace has the hobby of ham radio and often sends out transmissions through a homemade transmitter made from a colander.
-Ronald says Grimace has his mother's eyes, Birdie says he has his father's prominent chin, and Hamburglar jokingly says he has his Grandma Winky's fat ankles. Grimace said he's proud of them. [ed. i am not making this up, this is all pure fact]
-The Hamburglar's early dialog was a continual muttering of "BURGER, BURGER, BURGER" and gibberish. His catchphrase was "Robble, Robble." Later dialogue included normal words in a child-like voice.
-Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
-When the Fry Kids first appeared, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries.
-Captain Crook spent his time trying to steal Filet-O-Fish sandwiches from citizens of McDonaldland while avoiding being caught by Big Mac, the chief of police of McDonaldland. He would often translate for Hamburglar.
-The Hamburger Patch is part of McDonaldland where McDonald's hamburgers "grew" like fruit on plants from the Hamburger Patch.
-O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock-coat covered with several four leaf clovers and carries a shillelagh. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake.

jesus christ.