Saturday, March 14, 2009

An Open Letter to Chairman Meow

Dear Mr. Meow,

No. No, go away. Why are you meowing at my leg, Shh. I am watching a spaghetti western. Whatever, I guess that since you are here, why not take a seat, not drool for once and answer my question:

Why did you have go and get yourself a Urinary Tract Infection.

Now I have to feed you wet cat food and take the extra step in not only refrigerating it but also properly sealing said can with Saran Wrap. Don’t you know that such a task is difficult? You weren’t really nice when I tried to give you your medicine either, you just snarled and made a noise I only thought a demon could produce. Speaking of your medicine, want to share some of those feline painkillers with me? It looks like heroin addicts live in this house with your empty syringes strewn about. How do you think the police will react when I tell them that they aren’t for me, but for my promiscuous kitty.

Where do you get off in pulling this complete shenanigan? That poor woman had to clean your pee off the floor at the Vet, in three places! I won’t count that 4th spot, because well that woman kind of molested you, for that I apologize. However, she did call you a “handsome man”. But that is exactly my point; handsome men don’t get UTI’s. I doubt Brad Pitt suffers from this, he was taught properly how to wipe and not to wear strangers underwear.


Logan Healy, Professional.


Did Kallen do this to you? That may explain why you peed in his shoe.


KDHL said...

It's definitely Kallen's fault, somehow.

kritaliation said...

my poor kitty