Monday, December 28, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

wheres them greener grasses

Winter soltice today!

I saw Up in the Air this weekend- george clooney can say anything and
I would buy it but the movie itself kind of frustrated me. Basically
george clooney's job is to fly around the country 95% of the year to
deliver the bad news during layoffs. It is all about his independence,
transient relationships, and general lack of ties to anyone which in
the end, proved to not be a good thing. Not very Buddhist. The movie
began with these head shots of people really pissed about just getting
fired- "what am i going to tell my family", "how will we eat", some
light crying... etc. etc. and then the movie ended with these same
people saying something to the extent of "at least I have my wife to
be by my side", "thank god i have family"...

Basically it just really annoyed me that the one consolation for being
fired was something that is pretty rare- a successful family and
relationship. This was the only consolation, leaving all single,
separated, divorced, excommunicated, etc. etc. people who are probably
in the majority with no solace. The movie did not mention these people
nor did it fill in a number of blanks- like the babe frequent flier
that george clooney sleeps with in hotels around the country only to
find out that she had a husband and kids and had "succeeded" in
comparison. For a number of reasons I identified with ol' george in
the movie and was more or less left for dead in the ending. Now I am
pretty pissed about it.

But otherwise a pretty epic weekend. Sam and Drew blessed boston's
sacred soils for a pretty good reunion on saturday night. Ramming
speed and Witches with Dicks benefit show for cancer sold out and
raged in allston. Then a snowy walk to phily native: eric Rhorrryyy
(phonetically) 's christmas party down the street. Highlights include
talking heads dance party and eric belligerently humping the christmas
tree. And the girl that john brought from the Sports Depot after the
saints game. Drew wrastled with eric some, peaches tap danced, i took
a picture of eric drinking a hurricane on the ground while someone
used their boot to forcefully nudge his face, sam kept the dancing
torch a-flame and mel's bufont (I might be spelling that wrong- but
her hair style) survived a snow storm. Then a sleepover that i woke up
from first and crept out sneakily (not really, but everyone was still
passed out at noon and I was dying for some eggs). Thanks dudes and
dudettes- it was pretty fun.

over and out.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen

It's time to think about who yr favorite person of the past decade was. That's right, it's time to think about not just Man Of The Year, but MAN OF THE DECADE. Past winners Cory J Cocomazzi and Cedric Lilly are certainly in the running, but perhaps use the comment section here to nominate yr Man Of The Decade. Will it be John Racine? Dr. Robottomley? Could Samantha King, Grr pull it off? Will Logan make a case for himself after FINALLY graduating? Will Cory steal our hearts with his Smiths renditions once again and win for the second year in a row, prompting a dance party around him that will make him very uncomfortable?



Anyways, yes. New Orleans New Years is going to be epic. And now I will leave you with this.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

It's not me it's you

DEALBREAKER: You’ve Been In A Sarah Palin Video On YouTube, Saying Stupid Shit

This video is so worth watching. My favorite part is the speculation that since so many of our freedoms are being taken away there might not be an election in 2012 and there's been back room talk of martial law. Who knew?

DEALBREAKER: You’re Not A Delicious Pizza

I think we've all been here.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Adventure to Killarney

Soo I will be returning to the great state of New Jersey for Christmastime, which is a mere three hours from Hartford. I am planning on stealing the family mini van and heading to Allison's pagan gathering on the 23rd. I would love love love to meet up with other people there or pick you up if you're on the way. Mel and Rob, you've been voted most likely to be convinced to go for geographic reasons. Everyone in that region think about it and Silva I will see you in < 30 days.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Two confirmed, Sir

Well hello there. Long time lurker, first time poster. By some force of nature I was awarded a free video camera at work the other week. At first I thought it would see absolutely no use, but grandma quickly looked beyond its plastic facade and saw it's true beauty as a device to record drunk people.

After considerable drinking, and after the bars closed, grandma and I took to the streets to see what shenanigans we could capture. Our question of the night was what the great denizens of cambridge thought about the senate runoff election. Armed to the teeth with vodka and miller high life, we were able to get some pretty epic responses, however nothing beats our final video taken around 6am. We will definitely have to do this again some time in the near future. All bostonians not appearing are welcome.

video

PS. I'm bringing this to new orleans (maybe)

PPS. I slept in cory's bed.

you can't cure a sock in the puss with a sock in the puss

So I am not sure how it happened but... I am both employed and very much in Boston. Remember how I was *complaining* about no one responding to my employment attempts?... well still no responses. Somehow through the magical grapevine of weird happenings, my name was suggested for interview at a biofuel company in cambridge and well... here i sit now. Pretty weird. So I have been employed for about a month and have availed myself to the wonderful world of dental insurance. I guess I am still an intern but I get benefits. My god. I thrift stored some sweaters and interviewed with shitty facial hair and they still took me and I still have shitty facial hair and I am still here. So now I spend my days in scenic east cambridge building things that support things that eat carbon and sweat out a fuel. I get to remain dirty while scientists do science all around. Its not bad.

But. Now I am held to Boston. Kind of at gun point. And the gun being held by Sallie Mae herself straight to my temple, poking me monthly with statements that more or less remind me that I am still just paying for the interest.

In other words... the man has taken a firm grip on my groin and will not be letting go for the next ten or so years. All of you sirs not appearing know this grip- tight yet non clenching. Nagging but not quite invasive so it is almost forgotten until the end of the month when it politely plucks a thigh hair and makes my eyes water. Or something.

Joey P and I went to a Bruins game the other night where I caught a "t shirt wrapped like a burrito" - sponsor: Chipotle. For this size XL masterpiece I made a career high catch and celebrated pretty enthusiastically while a gigantic dude sitting behind me said something to the extent of "that shirt burrito is wrapped almost as tight as your jeans [fag]". He had a head tattoo and has definitely drank more than my weight in bud heavies so there was definitely no witty reply.

And that is about it. If anyone is around Boston for the weekend after thanksgiving weekend (which is fucking december...), there will be a friend feast in Jamaica Plain. Due to weird scheduling, the plan is to have a post thanksgiving thanksgiving with after-holiday recession turkey and all the trimmings. You are all invited. My stuffing was once described as "a heart pounding, thrilling, and theatrical event... Two thumbs up" which was coincidentally the exact same review given to new york's famed broadway performance "Cats". It is just that good.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

quiet girls! cant you see i am blogging?

I shall be in Boston Dec 14-20, convincing all of you to make poor life choices with me.

Cory and I are planning on going to see the Slutcracker on Dec 19th. We will be drinking before, after and during and the show. You should all join us in this quest for fun. I would also like to go to Foleys and build a snow fort. Please brainstorm other fun things that you would like to do with me.

See you in 3 (three) weeks! I look very forward to this.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Post Cards

WHO WANTS TO RECEIVE A POSTCARD FOOOOOR FREEEEEEE?

go here if answer is 'yes'... i mean 'me'

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I'm printing my zine today!!!!!

OMFG finally!!!!

It's called "Something Happened Here" and it's about this past summer in NOLA. It features artwork contributions from Sirs Not Appearing Richard and Peaches, as well as Sir Not Appearing Extended Network member Ryan H McIntyre.

I would be pleased as punch to send one to you if you'd like one. Just e-mail me yr address (drew.stephan [at] gmail [dot] com) and I'll send one along as soon as I can!

Here's the cover!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

trip to philly


Yea this about sums it up.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Broncos

So, I have an awesome sweater. And yes it says Broncos on the front. And in case you were wondering, it is THE Denver Broncos.
Its large. Its warm. Its offical sanctioned merchandise of the National Football League. See image below.



Glorious yes? But I must say that this awesome sweater has its price. And that price is the inevitable question asked by all who gaze upon its glory. "So, are you a Broncos fan?"
Now take a minute, look at this beautiful mug and ask yourself... "Does this beautiful mug look like the beautiful mug of a football fan?"



if you answered yes, then you answered correctly. CLEARLY I am a man of great taste and residing within the house that is great taste is football (of course). Almost equally as large as football in the house of taste is the Denver Broncos (of course). And not just any Denver Broncos, but the 1986 - 1999 Broncos, led of course by the internationally famous (and handsome) John Elway, who led his tasteful team to something like a gazillion American Football Conference titles and a bajillion super bowl wins.

As you can see, my sweater bears the colors of the glory days. Back when the ole pigskin gracefully glided from the fingers of Elway the fearless leader into touchdown land. Back before they changed their team colors, when the blue was blue and the orange was orange. So compare these two horses of different colors.

Glory filled blue and orange:


Modern day dull and duller:


Sure Elway wore the Dully McDullerton colors for a couple years, but us Denverites try to forgive and forget. For we are a forgiving and forgetful peoples.

So, I guess, in conclusion I ask that one think before they question my loyalty to Denver and its animal themed sporting team. Just bear witness to my face and remember John and you shall have your answer.


























ps - thank you, wikipedia, for giving me all this Denver Broncos knowledge on short notice.

glengarry glen ross

wow guys, the coolest thing ever happened to me yesterday. i was playing jeopardy and the final jeopardy subject was 1980's plays, and before alex even asked the question (or gave the answer or whatever) i was all like it's totally glengarry glen ross. and it was. i won final jeopordy before i even knew the question. i am the new ken jennings.

this is all true fact.

1000 words

The life of Sir Not Appearing In This Film, in four containers.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

come back to me baby



hello sirs and madams not appearing. Literally. So team boston has lost two more and it could very well lose the battle all together. My god the thought of this winter is dismal. Well at least the fall is fucking beautiful. While you transplanted southerners bask in above freezing weather this winter, I will hold tight to the memories of foliage and changing seasons. Because man, fall rules. My jamaica plain fortress of never leaving requires a scenic jaunt past parks and ponds into the city which is in fact awesome. Really awesome. My neighbors own dogs and infants and most people out here are in relationships; I have heard of these things but never quite understood... psh. I did go to a block party the other weekend at the insistence of my neighbors- a punkish married couple and their upstairs engaged neighbors (common theme) had ventured up the street to a block party the week before and were welcomed as the only 4 white people with good vibes and a good time. They sold me on the next block party so Joey P and I made the effort to hike around the corner following the smell of bbq. Turns out that despite liberal voting histories, even the block parties are half segregated- this weekend being the all white- flaunt my toddler and Labrador around 4 square and bratwursts. I did eat sausage and helped myself generously to the dessert table but... i learned a couple valuable lessons. 1. Single males have absolutely no place in a neighborhood block party. 2. Showing up to said block party with another guy shakes off the weird vibe as you are assumed gay. 3. Women couples in there late 20s show no sympathy for toddlers playing 4 square. Spikes, dives, and score keeping all employed without mercy.

It was an experience but a pretty boring one at that. I was hoping for something slightly more... nonsegregated. At least the vegan coleslaw was not half bad. Free beers too.

Not much else up here. I work at the bike shop again which is not bad and get my days off during the week. Of the mountain of "real" jobs I have applied to, not a single company has said a peep so if any of you want to hire me in your respective corners of the world/ internet, I am available. cough cough.

I did go back home (upstate) last week to shred to motocross cheddar and hang out with my folks. I ate balanced meals and talked a lot of shop with the old man. Pictures to prove.



Sunday, September 13, 2009

Srsly he sucks

Now that Logan lives here it will be much easier to update this blog:

ihateloganhealy.blogspot.com

Please contribute. You know you hate him too.

Monday, September 7, 2009

C.R.E.A.M

Hi blog, it's been a while. Summer is over, it twas a good one. Mel and Peaches' visit was aawweessomme. What Cheer? Brigade was such a mind blowing show (Oct. 10- Somerville. Anyone still in Boston should go) and Mel got a gorgeous tattoo of a unicorn standing on a rainbow with an arrow in its teeth.



I went to Oregon/Washington and had the best vacay of my life. We climbed up ten thousand stairs, McIntyre and I made Bloody Mary's by the lake, I got to see where my apt used to be. They are building a light rail there and it is a huge hole in the ground. Lara came down from Bellingham, we went to a bar called The Zoo where C List celebreties hang out. Later, AmyNO got off work and like a champ drank 3 whiskey sours in about 5 minutes. Went to Portland to meet up with my boo, Kate Banta, who was my other half when I first lived in Nola and who I haven't seen in 4ever. We camped on the coast and it was absolutely beautiful. We saw the sunset on the beach, stayed up all night and saw the sun rise over it too. Lara and I drove back to Washington with a PBR can for an oil cap and when the tire blew on the highway the rideshares fixed it and bought us dinner! I was driving and am very proud of not killing us since we were going 70 in the middle lane when the rear tire exploded. Bellingham, WA is a really cool, small city with students and hippies and crust punks all living in harmony. Mcintickle and Amy drove up and we all biked to some woods to jump off rocks. It was about 30 ft in the air and the highest I'd ever jumped from. I think my heart stopped at one point but it was exhilarating and worth the bruises from hitting the water all wrong.



August went by so fast. Justin and I biked to Bay St. Louis (60 miles one way) and camped on the beach. We did it over the course of a weekend bc 30 miles in I really wanted to lay down on the side of the road. There's also nothing on 90 between here and there except one gas station and two bars. It was a really pretty ride though and the amount of stars we saw at night was worth the fear of getting hit by a car in the dark. The day of rest was crucial and we explored a storm ruined baptist seminary and took sink baths at the cutest coffee shop in Mississippi. We went to Gatlinburg, TN the weekend after that to a cabin his friends get every year. Everyone was really fun even if they are mostly married and have real people lives. Gatlinburg is home to Dollywood, lots of mini golf and LOTS of pancake houses. The "cabin" was more luxurious than rustic but I will not say no to a hot tub. It is astonishing how much quicker one gets drunk in a hot tub, which I discovered while finishing a bottle of tequilla, naked, with all the other women, also naked. I remember that it was fun and after that I fell down giggling a lot.

School has started but I can't go bc of dollar dollar bills ya'll. I like my job at the coffee shop though so it's really not bad at all working full time making sandwiches and lattes. I'm still planning on going abroad next semester so saving up money is helpful there too. Sometimes I get bummed about it and feel really lame for continuously not being able to just get my fucking bachelor's degree but I know that I will finish (someday). I'm just sick of it taking so god damn long and then I get more frustrated bc I am the factor that is making it take so long. Mostly it's fine though. I'm not sure what to do with myself outside of work now that I don't have a higher purpose. Maybe I'll read all the books on my reading list, get really into yoga and garden every day. Or maybe I'll pick up that drug habit that's been such a long time coming. I dunno.

I am ecstatic that Sam and Logan are fiinnnaalllyyy here and was amazed to see such a slim, fit Chairman. I want to put him next to my tiny adorable kitten (whose name still is just Small! or TK short for Tiny Kitten) and have a photo shoot. This is TK in a bird cage that she crawled into to get away from the endless beatings from Gypsy and Genevieve.



That's about it. Right now I'm sitting on my porch, drinking a mimosa and thinking about how I should really fix my bike and clean my room. Here's a picture of a gas station just outside New Orleans on Highway 90:

Monday, August 31, 2009

When in Israel...

That’s what they say right? Right?! Alright, they don’t, but when in Israel, you’re supposed to embrace being Jewish, that’s what they say, but apparently I just realize that I can’t get along with most people. It was a new world record of people put on auto-hate, what was the previous world record? I don’t know, but I’m sure I beat it. You all will soon match my world record, but we’ll get to that later.

For several days I spent time on a bus going through Israel with a bunch of other Northeastern students, most just ending their freshman years at college. Oh boy oh boy, these kids were so adorable. Aside from the fact that they were BORN DURING THE YEAR OF 1990, Holy Cow!, they all still listened and liked Dave Matthews Band, so cute, I know. Some little critters even called him by first name! Oh, to be young again.

Leaving on the 19th of August, I arrived at JFK, (RIP TK BTW), and met with the group. So far so good, everyone on this trip was super nice to be honest, but so far good on my part; my heavy sigh count was at zero. We got on a plane and headed to Zurich, I drank a few nips of whiskey I got some JW Red label. I realized I hate decent whiskey; I can only drink Jim Beam or Old Thompson. Does anyone else have that problem? Really tired at 10am Zurich time, we played an ice breaker, that name game picnic thing, although once we got to the letter C, it was changed to the Sex and Drugs version. I had the misfortune of being B, so what did I bring to the Sex and Drugs party? Beans. Why beans, I don’t know, but for the first few days I was known as the kid who brought beans. Wonderful. Nothing says party like beans.

We arrived in Tel Aviv, which was pretty cool, got on a bus, which we would travel on throughout the trip, then met our driver, guide and medic/guard who carried a rifle the entire trip. We were told we weren’t allowed to touch the gun or sleep with the gun or kiss the gun, but I’m pretty sure you were allowed to take it out to dinner and never call it back. The landscape on the ride to Jerusalem was breathtaking, a lot of hills and mountains in Israel, although they don’t got shit on that hill leading to the Space Machine.

This was the part of the trip that I realized I would be looking at a Jewish Timeshare. They never said it exactly, actually they did; they wanted us to fall in love with the country, marry Israeli’s and have Jewish children. If I want to, I could get Israeli citizenship whenever. The trip was littered with sessions where we’d tackle some tough subjects about religion and politics; I just sat around and let other people talk. This wasn’t enough during the last session when 12 small “flags” were placed on the floor and you had to choose the flag that best described your Jewish Culture. Woot.

A lot of the historical sites were interesting, the Western Wall was pretty intense, and we went during Shabbat. The entire city shuts down and a lot of Orthodox Jews and others are praying there for hours. A man with his family saw I was out of place and asked if I needed a place to spend Shabbat dinner. I said no thanks, but it would have been interesting if I was able to. Which brings me to the another part of the trip, everyone was on a short leash. I got in trouble because I walked two blocks back from the beach and their count was off one day. We weren’t allowed to leave the hotel and I got yelled at for looking hungover one morning. I felt like a child and everyone else on the trip acted like one for the most part.

The food was amazing, I ate too much falafel, hommus, lentil, rice and kebabs. I farted throughout the entire country, literally everywhere, here’s an abridged version of locations:

-Where Jesus was reportedly crucified (lol)

-The Jordan/Israel border

-The mountains bordering Egypt

-The Dead Sea (Which fucking hurt, oh my god. Never fart in a body of water that consists of over 30% salt)

-The Red Sea

-The Mediterranean Sea (Which you would think would be pristine, but it was littered with garbage. I probably cleansed it a tiny bit)

-On a camel

Also, speaking of the camel, camels are assholes.

In fact, I covertly farted so well, that no one even knew, until the plane landed back at JFK this most recent Sunday. The girl sitting in front of me while getting her bag from overhead storage exclaimed, “It all of a sudden smells like old cheese, probably that damn kosher food”. Damn kosher food indeed, honey!

So we drove a bus all around the country, through mountainous terrain, old holy cities, some Muslim towns, flat areas, etc etc. On one instance we were almost in the middle of a terrible head on collision. The two cars involved went on fire and the entire road closes with people running out with fire extinguishers or bottles of water, our bus driver included. Something like that I don’t plan to ever see in the US, 2 Palestinian cars pulled over as well and helped. No one died, on the scene at least, was pretty crazy. A lot of people were stunned and all totally ‘oh my god ahh, im in tears’. Grow up kids, shitty shit happens, you're traumatized for attention (which they got later, when we talked about it).

This brings me back to another habit I maintained during those 10 days, I sighed personally towards any annoyance I could. Some people started a clique in the back of the bus; they sang group songs whenever they could. Someone acquired a bongo, I died a little inside. Then someone acquired a guitar, I died a little more inside. There’s nothing worse than hearing these words; “I just learning guitar, but I can play Wish You Were Here!” Your father would be ashamed that you were knowingly tainting classic music. I was also lucky enough to hear renditions of Coldplay, Jason Mraz, “Dave”, Gun’s N’ Roses and Dispatch. I actually have a video of one of those songs. A lot of people danced to songs in the aisle of the bus as it drove too, also to shitty songs. Oh by the way, here is that moment I was talking about earlier:

All in all, I enjoyed myself, met a handful of people who I hope to keep in touch with and at nights smoked hookah, cigarettes and one night hash. Drank beers and embraced my Judaism long enough to make sure the trip was free of charge.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

someone needs to breathe some life into this blog

i pose three questions:

1. if you were forced to eat just one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
2. what is the gift you have always wanted, or wanted real bad, but never received?
3. would you rather see the best show you have ever seen for a second time (in the same venue, and with the exact same circumstances) -or- see kittens form a human(kitten) pyramid?

please let me glimpse deeper into your lives.

also, i am at an internet cafe in the french quarter and they have the history channel on, and there is this man on the teevee just cold yelling about helicopters and scaring everyone. are any of you familiar with this man? any idea why he is so angry-passionate about BIRDS?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Fear me, for I have been given access to this blog

I shall make it my first order of business to relate to you a journal entry written by me for my Livejournal which i had lovingly titled "The Cats Are Fat". The date posted was 11:48pm on September 10, 2001 and I was 17 years of age:

I got a hot date TOMORROW NIGHT!!

I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into the wonders of my high school years

Friday, August 7, 2009

Aw mannnnnnnn

I haz teh sad - John Hughes died. He was only 59.

There are not enough emoticons in the world to describe how sad I am, but I will try now.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

I was actually quite fortunate to find out about this this morning by reading this article, which my mom sent to me. Thanks Mom!

It's hard to overstate the importance of John Hughes to America. Rober Ebert pointed out that "The list of films Hughes directed, produced or wrote includes such enduring hits as "Sixteen Candles," "The Breakfast Club," "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "Planes, Trains and Automobiles," "Uncle Buck," "Some Kind of Wonderful," "Curly Sue," "Mr. Mom," "Home Alone," "Pretty in Pink," "Weird Science," "She's Having a Baby," "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," "Beethoven," "101 Dalmatians" and "Baby's Day Out."" That's a lot of fuckin important and good movies right there.

In other news, Mel and Peaches are here, sleeping on the floor right behind me. Long night - went to a house show and sweated/danced our asses off, then the Half Moon, then The Saint, then FUCKING WAFFLE HOUSE YEAAAAAAAAA.

Got home around 5, online for work by 9:30. Working from home is the best invention since the Slap Chop.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

I know there are some people out there (Silva) who sit around and wonder, "Man, I wonder what the coolest fucking thing on the internet is."

I found it.



That's right - it's Wilt Fucking Chamberlain and Andre The Fucking Giant holding up Arnold Fucking Schwarzenegger on the set of Conan.

Bask in it. Let its glory penetrate yr every orifice.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

one hour later. still sucking at life on hump day.



I was sitting at my laptop in a sweatshirt and jeans IN JULY at 8:00am on a Wednesday procrastinating and hating this godforsaken corner of america that now apparently has 2 seasons: freezing fucking (sorry robbottomley) cold and disgusting sortof cold, WHEN I decided to google interior design porn. Who doesn't like creative porn on hump day? Anyway, there's this really amazing food porn site so, I figured maybe someone had done this with interior design. I was afraid (see: hoping) I would end up with like 57 bazillion porn results but instead since the googles is good at synonyms, a link to obscene interiors popped up. I thought it was pretty fucking hilarious and then when I got to the end of the pictures Dave Eggers told me it was hilarious, so I knew that it definitely was hilarious and that I am brilliant and an aesthete. The guy who wrote it also has a blog which has thus far left me crying with laughter. Thank you, Justin Jorgensen for giving me the gift of laughter in the wake of the loss of Michael Jackson, if just for a few fleeting moments.

i'm just gonna start posting lots of mundane shit 'cause i am back on the wagon..or off of it..however that idiom works

in new news about old news, logan, our blog is now worth $3.28, which i think is a pretty good indicator that the economy is bouncing back and soon we will be wearing neon spandex and D & G suits and doing coke in the bathroom off of our eggshell business cards. that, or someone is licking some sacs at goldman sachs. speaking of, celebpunani.com's website has an estimated value of $65,163.41. somebody at goldman sachs must really like them.

p.s. no one is allowed to sell our blog for a can of sparxx until we are worth enough to buy one for everyone

Monday, July 20, 2009

every time affirmative action is employed a racism fairy loses her wings

this just in: white men basically built america so they deserve all of the riches of babylon. also, B & E is code for black and entering. here's a nice nightcap and/or good morning kiss from the fat lips of racist cantabridgians and pat buchanan's wormy little mouth.

xoxo!

Friday, July 17, 2009

I would just like to point out....

that the initial line-up for Maryland Death Fest 2010 has already been announced. Holy fuck.

AUTOPSY
ENTOMBED (Sweden)
EYEHATEGOD
OBITUARY
PENTAGRAM
SINISTER (Netherlands)
MELECHESH (Netherlands)
INCANTATION
PORTAL (Australia)
HAEMORRHAGE (Spain)
COFFINS (Japan)
IMPALED
GRIDLINK
BIRDS OF PREY
INGROWING (Czech Republic)
GRIDE (Czech Republic)
16
JESUS CRÖST (Netherlands)

MASSGRAVE (Canada)

FUCK THE FACTS (Canada)
TOMBS
HOWL


I'm particularly excited about Autopsy, Eyehategod, Coffins, Portal and 16. Obituary and Pentagram should be a good time, too. Also Tombs and Howl. Jesus.

Ok, you can go back to not caring about metal now. Pansies.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

b0000ring









i only have 10 days left at work. 10 days! i feel like a ghost. all i have left to do is to finish my exit reports and no one will give me new work in the meantime. so i just slowly type reports, day dream and manipulate pictures of you jerks on photofunia.com.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

2 things that happened last night that made me sad, 3 if you count going to phoenix landing

i was walking home from phoenix landing (yes, phoenix landing) last night and a woman approached me on the street holding a sonogram photo, smoking a cigarette. she told me she was 5 months pregnant and really needed some money, because she had to take care of herself ... being pregnant and all. i told her no, because she was smoking a cigarette. she got really upset, started yelling and told me that she shouldn't have to sleep on the street just because she smokes. i agree with that, but if you are asking for money because you are pregnant and need help don't fucking smoke cigarettes, which cost, what like $7.50 a pack? i dont know if she was really pregnant, or if it was just a scheme to get money from young women. either way it made feel pretty awful, about everything.

i made it back to davis square without further advances, but then, out of nowhere some dude started driving real slow-like along side me. then he rolled down his window and told me to get in, there was something he would like me to hear. like music equals candy for grown ups. i told him no thanks. but he kept asking/telling me to get in. and then he pulled over and started to open the passenger door which really kind of freaked me out. then from the fog, came my knight in shining armor. or just some dude from tufts who walked up and asked if i was ok. it was enough to spook the lurker, and he was kind enough to walk me to the corner. from there i walked home as fast as my legs would carry me (i dont think i bent my knees once). when i got home, i felt drunk and sad. both experiences really just bummed me out on life, and on boston.

boston, it has been fun. but now i am going to leave you.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

john came down again

what do you think happened?

ohmansomanydaiquiris • daydrinking • bestdickinthebywater! • drunkbikerides • sweetchristwhere'stheibuprofen • sweatsweatsweat • ohgodyeseggandcheese • whiskey?you'retookind • johnstophittingonthatbartender! • blackoutdrunkinatubeonariver • blackoutdrunkinthequarter • blackoutdrunkeverywhere • heyknowwhothatis?bestdickinthebywater! • drinkinguntil7am • ughit's10:30alreadyshitwe'regonnabelatetotheairport!

yea that sums up....one - two days of it?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

my spellcheck is in spanish so this will be bad

hey all. where have you all run off to? Probably a similar corner of the world wide web that I have been hiding in. Mine smells of wine and history papers tonight. Music videos and a lot of head scratch dandruff pilling up on my literally coffee covered notebooks. All of them. They are all covered in coffee.

In just a few days (four more or less) i finish classes which in turn means i finish college. Woof. In two days time I move out of my apartment and stay on a generous friend's floor for the duration of the semester and then take a hike northward to Bolivia for a three-four week adventure. then back to upstate new york and then to... unclear.

but i have made it this far which i am proud of and exhausted by. I can speak spanish to pretty girls now with enough butchery to get the point across and them not to reply in english. Mission accomplished.

in retrospect, this trip was an inverse of every single detail of my life. well, a good deal of them. Actually, curriculum and language are the only big ones i guess but... it was pretty drastic no less. But this time i dont have any big plans to come. No thoughts of next steps beyond finding all of you lovelies in your respective corners of the internet.

My brother came down to these parts for a little under two weeks for the longest stretch of bottomley time spending in what we decided to be about ten years. Mind you, we get along pretty well and actually consider one another friends despite the bloodline obligations but whoa damn, two weeks with one person is a long time. A really good time. we journeyed to the andes with a tent and not much else to find not surprisedly snow and freezing freezing cold. Without any preparation what-so-ever (including but not limited to a place to sleep, a weather report, warm clothing, or a real idea of where exactly Cavahue is on a map) we journeyed as two american idiots a good deal into the wild. Not all the way- it was too god damn cold, but we got pretty close. 22 hours by bus southwest to the top of patagonia, we hiked into a snow storm with 30+ mph head wings and then hiked out of it, drank stolen whiskeys on the busride which were spilled on both my feet/shoes and chris' shirt, spoke spanish with mountain men, and were caught really offgaurd waking up to a foot and a half of sleet/slush/snow. My tent wasnt used as we found refuge in a guys house specifically available without advertisement for people like us. Idiots. I mean, people in need. It was run by this Hank Reardon looking dude married to one of the few women in the town and had pictures of really epic mountain activities on the wall.

And then chris left on saturday and I wasnt going to go out but received a pretty tempting offer "to finish our bottle of patron before a party". I mean, who can resist? By the time I got there the two american girls who made the invite had actually done most of the damage but they still took me to their party hosted by Norwegians in northern buenos aires. Strange, no? It was a really exceptional mix of people and languages with mostly spanish spoken between flags from all over. I met a bolivian girl on the porch with cold hands who put them in mine and then we stayed like that for a while. You know, romantic. And only a day before i was so frustrated by a shitty coffee order language exchange and a struggle to pick up laundry and then romance. Such beautiful things sometimes.

i wont see her again most likely and i am still excited to come home except this time most of you will be in far away places. Like a forced hobo just to share a drink in person. I can do that.

http://www.myspace.com/awhiteantelope

Monday, June 15, 2009

dammit

You know it's bad when even the National Weather Service changes their graphics and resorts to three letter descriptions for entire days.



Just look at that barren hellscape that I'm going to live in for the next two days. Looks like Flagstaff. Ugh.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The good life

Ted Bowman was in New Orleans for a glorious week. He was here for less than an hour when he got yelled at by the streetcar conductor for trying to bring on a cup of whiskey. Once I got out of work he was drunk and hiding in the Ritz Carlton without cell phone service and I was afraid I had lost him in his first three hours in town. It was a good start. It was really awesome that Ted got along so well with my friends here after a few days bc initially when I was at work and would leave him alone he'd get drunk and confused or bitten by insects or spill things on himself.


We went all over the city, got drunk before noon a couple times and had fancy schmancy dinner at Jacquesimo's. Friday I sent Ted to Miss Mae's while I was closing the coffee shop and he had seven $1 drinks in an hour so when I went to collect him he was hiding behind the trash cans outside from a man named Greg who was trying to hold Ted's attention by buying him liquor and being very forward. We ran away and stopped at the next bar where he made me do four red snappers in fifteen minutes and after that I think we danced, maybe I got in a fight at the taco stand and we def did more shots. But I can't really be sure of the accuracy or order of any of that.

Other highlights of the trip included getting a cab company to deliver Monopoly to my house at 10 pm on a Wednesday which I had no idea you could do and then the afternoon we went swimming at the Hotel Monteleone's pool. When someone from the hotel asked us to register with our room number Ted handled it beautifully with his best authority voice, fake room number and obtained more strawberry abita in the process. Fabulous.




In other news, summer is great. I've been doing a lot with the GNO Fair Housing Action Center and trying to make a dent in my overly ambitious reading list. Also, I started doing roller derby! I love it so so so much. My body hated me after the last practice in the park for falling without wristguards and somehow rolling into the dirt but I'm really happy about all of it. My roller derby girl name: Moxycontin.

Today I went to a birthday brunch at the Columns Hotel, now am headed to an open bar party for a coworker and then I will watch Tank Girl with my roommate and go into a vegetative state for a while.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

md deathfest


this weekend cory, mel and i roadtripped to baltimore for maryland deathfest. BRUTAL.

we left friday morning at some ungodly hour. while i was outside waiting for cory to pick me up i saw wheeldog. from the space machine we drove to brookline to get mel and peaches and were on the road by 7 or 8. we got into philly early afternoon got some food and then went to park to play bocce ball. i scored many points and everyone was oh so jealous of my athleticism. that night we went to a bar, played some wii and passed out relatively early.

saturday morning we left for baltimore and got there in record time. we got our wristbands and then checked into the hotel, and i took a much needed shower. we went to the lexington market, home of the world famous crab cake. like these crab cakes were ranked by the omnipotent GQ mag as one of the 10 best dishes in the entire world. i got the cheapo $5 crabcake and it was still bomb. from the market we went to the beer store and then had a few drinks at the hotel before heading back to deathfest. brutal truth, beer, immolation, atheist, beer, beer, napalm death, beer, pizza, beer, BOLT THROWER, beer, beer, beer, wolves in the throne room, beer, beer. after wolves in the throne room we went and partied at a hotel with some of mel's friends. it was really awesome, i encourage all of you try to go next year.

sunday morning we got food, and went to a really amazing book store. like, we all spent way too much money on books. i picked up a super sweet graphic history of the SDS, and a crimethinc book. after the store we drove back to philly. i was able to finish the book i was reading, and peruse some of the books that mel picked up in the car. we got back to philly and went a brazilian bbq. lots of meat wrapped in meat and surprise meat (in the mashed potatoes). then we went to a bar and drank lions head and played bullshit. we brought all of the candles from empty tables over to our table and mel told our fortunes (turns out that cory probably wont marry waiter who was serving us, but all is well, the cards told us the waiter eats his own poop).

cory and i went to get cheese steaks in the morning. we went to pat's, since geno's is a racist shithole. seriously, they have a sign that says "if you can read thank a teacher. if you can read in english thank a marine". uuugggghhhhh. it is really mind-boggling that tourists and locals go there. after cheese steaks we went to met up with mel and peaches at a mexican place. i got a drink that tasted like a dozen roses, it was beautiful. there was even a dead rose in my drink, which is, um, cool i guess. after our breakfast drinks we started driving back to boston. we made it pretty quickly and didnt hit any traffic. when i got home i went out in davis with logan, kallen and laura to celebrate kallen finally going away. no, it's actually sad the space machine is down to logan, kyle and myself. not quite what it was at it's prime. anyways, it is already wednesday, and that is great. my friend mike fish is in town this weekend, following phish like the dirty hacky-sacker he is. regardless, our reunion shall be glorious.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Changes!

Ok kids - I made the blog a little wider in order to accommodate videos a little better. However, I feel like it might be _too_ wide. (Scroll down to some longer posts, see if they are hard to read.) So, let me know. I can change it.

I am in California right now, at a non-profit mobile technology conference. ::makes jerk off motion:: It's okay, but it's not even half over and I'm already ready to pistol whip the next person who says "twitter". Someone asked me for my twitter feed in a workshop today. ::vomits in mouth::

Other than that, it's wicked fun. Much needed break from New Orleans, though I am missing most of Tedley Bowmantonshire's visit to NOLA. I think I will catch him for about 25 minutes on Saturday night, after a three hour layover in Vegas. (They have slots in the airport there - bad news for Drew.)

Long conspicuous absence from Sir Not Appearing On This Blog, I know - I've quit smoking, haven't been getting drunk every night, and am busily entering the ranks of developer douchebaggery in the Silicon Valley. WTF?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

an ode to awesome

My favorite story growing up Where the Wild Things Are is coming out soon and I am very excited.

To begin, here is the trailer:



1. Directed by spike jonze

(one of my favorite videos ever. dinosaur jr - feel the pain)




songs written by karen o with something to do with the Arcade Fire that I dont entirely understand


co-written by david eggers who you might have heard of



...sorry i just learned how to embed videos.

But I am very excited and will be dressed as a monster at midnight the night it appears. Probably not but just saying

Monday, May 4, 2009

Recession recession blah blah blah

I know its real but I'm sick of it being the reason for everything lately. It seems like everything that happens whether it's the weather or bad public schools is because of the economic downturn. However, I recently read an article from the Baltimore Sun, "In Families' Tragic Deaths, a Hint of Paternalism" and it caught my attention since what does actually seem to be happening a lot lately is men going down in financial flames and subsequently brutally murdering their families.

What interests me even more is that in the past month and a half I have witnessed three instances of domestic violence. Not that this abuse doesn't happen all the time but I find it weird that all of a sudden these situations are so blatant and public. Which brings up a whole other set of issues since every time I intervene I'm so worried that I will be making it worse for the woman, in the moment or later.

Last night as I sat on my porch reading, my neighbor pushed his partner out of the front door screaming at her, twisting her wrists and shoving her nearly to the ground. She was asking him to stop and trying squirm out of his grip.
A) I really don't want to say anything that is going to make him later beat the shit out of her, blaming her for drawing attention
2) I can't just wait to watch her get punched in the face
C) But I also don't really want to get punched in the face

I just went down there and walked up slowly and said, "Umm hey, how's it going?" He let go of her and started telling me how he would never put his hands on her but she's a goddamned ho who isn't worth anything. Meanwhile she, who is a sheriff btw, is threatening to call the cops. (Knowing her job made this even more complicated to me. I have considered her strong and smart not only bc of her profession but also her personality. Also one time she helped me break into my house after I broke the front door. I had the thought of, she can handle herself, right?) When he went inside she told me they'd been together for nine years but weren't married and that he'd been drinking. That she could but wasn't going to have him arrested, then she went to the neighbor's house and stayed there. He came out a minute later, drunkenly yelling more insults till he drove off.

All this is not to say that murder/suicide by a patriarch and increased public domestic violence in my life are related, but maybe they are? Is economic stress making people flip out in their private lives to the point of assault? If so, is this going to continue to be terrifying for women whose husbands/partners see them as a responsibility and even as their property? What do you guys think? How do you men feel about this? How do you women feel about this? Seeing three women abused by their partners in the past couple weeks has made me fucking furious but also really freaked me out. Partly I'm worried whether or not I'm handling the situations correctly. Mostly it just scares me to witness these violent and belittling outbursts by men directed towards women they clearly feel like they're entitled to treat in such a way. Thoughts?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

May Day Mayhem

Things got a little messy in Berlin this past weekend. May Day is generally when the most cars are burnt, stones are thrown and the police get to try out their favorite pepper-sprays.

This year the district of Kreuzberg, where things get the ugliest, hosted a "May Fest", to counter the normally violent demonstrations. The rationale: with enough live music, good food and good people, there won't be any room for violent protests - I like it. Great things from the day.

One Euro tall boys
Fem-metal band, covered in body paint and various types of tape.


Street performer who spontaneously stormed through the crowd with a bull-horn and flaming stick.
Turkish toddler who made all the girlies weak in the knees with his seamless electric-slide (look close, little guy in orange).


I took a short break at a local beer garden, and returned after sunset to what felt like a war-zone. During anti-fascist and anti-capitalist demonstrations, small groups started to throw stones and bottles at the police. As a result, the entire square (Kottbusser Tor) was sealed off.

I went one street over and found a way in. Even with the visibly heightened police presence, the festivities carried on in good spirits. But, when bands of 10-12 riot police silently walked through the crowds in a box formation, the nervous tension rose.

They would spot a 'suspect' and, without warning, storm them with an unusual degree of force. This did not go over well. The crowd would chant 'let go! let go!' while the police set up a loose barricade around the scene. At times, one or two riot police would break out of formation to chase down those that provoked them. This back-and-forth would repeat itself every 5 to 10 minutes, it was chaotic.

Fortunately, these actions were isolated and didn't affect the wider party. After a few more minutes of watching and taking photos of these shenanigans, I returned to the one euro tall boys and street parties.

On a side note, here is a website that tracks the location and number of cars that have been set ablaze in Berlin over the years. Crazy.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Joey P does not speak spanish


blurry but joey p

Joey P landed in Buenos Aires about a week ago and my precious sleep has been majorly stunted though with justifiable cause and inebriation. We went to a casino on a boat docked next to a well lit parking lot in southern Buenos Aires, about a 10 minute bike ride from my former apartment (more details to come). The boat casino was a time machine where you were immediately transported into an age of weird yellow carpeting, indoor smoking, and lots of gambling. The decision was made at around 1 am on a monday night, following a bar/ pool (as in the game, not swimming) session where we were playing a group of french dudes and then a group or argentines. My pool playing drastically improves with a drink or two, so in effort to not look complete pansies in front of the argentines, we systematically ordered more drinks until we could hold our own ground. One of the guys was about 6'2" and "could definitely kick our asses" and another covered in tattoos, who knew almost no english, but managed to communicate "Redsox!" to joey. Note: Joey P does not speak spanish though at this point had built up the vocabulary to order Pizza, beer, and bum cigarettes but beyond, conversation was difficult. Despite this fact, everyone seemed to gravitate toward and speak at him in foreign words- pretty girls, terrifying dudes, and every single homeless person in Argentina. I translate when possible.



So, we ended the pool match, walked down the street for joey to order pizza, and then made the decision to ride to the casino on the condition that joey would bankroll me 100 pesos (about $30), though I should mention that this was his idea, not mine. A good idea. We pedaled over, locked up our bikes in the Bike specific parking area, walked through metal detectors (you cannot take photos inside, unfortunately) and headed for the blackjack table until about 5:30 am. In the last half hour we both started betting in effort to lose the last of our mostly lost chip count and proceeded to win repeatedly. Joey put all of his coins on the number 17 at a roulette table and won, and then lost half on red, and then doubled up again on black. Fist pumps all around. We still ended up with a negative final balance, but not by much. Riding home, Joey fell crossing train tracks and I tried my hardest to get him home quickly so I could go to sleep on this now very early tuesday morning.

On Wednesday I moved apartments, hauling almost all of my belongings across buenos aires in a single bike trip and met my new housemates. On Friday we all played charades and ended the night relatively early (note: my new favorite charade is "child birth") but Saturday night was party time. My new argentine housemate, Augustin, was celebrating his birthday in northern buenos aires, inviting Joey, myself, and the other housemate, Sophie from france, to his cumpleanos.

Augustin

We were the only extranjeros at the party which made for a really terrifying beginning but after a few bottles of wine, just fine. Again, people gravitated towards joey and this time Sophie as well, all really excited to practice other languages. There was dancing, wine spilling, picture taking, wine drinking, and hordes of attractive people.


not my fault.

We left the party to go to a club in more central BsAs, meeting up with a friend of mine from school, Chris, who earlier sent me a message that neglected to mention the 30 peso cover and Strippers! My god. I have never seen a stripper before and these lovely ladies lived up to my every expectation. Disgusting. They looked like leather baseball mits grinding their oily body parts on poles and taking money to have their picture taken with drunk people. There were so many people in the club and it took a while to find my friend though once successful, we were taken upstairs to the stripper room filled with friends of friends of friends. Chris dove into the dance-floor with a huge warm intoxicating(ed) grin on his face and was absolutely in the party zone. Both hands in the air fist pumping to latin beats while smiling and grinding with a girl in my history class. They didn't know each other, I don't think, but seemed to be getting along pretty well.

Chris from a different occasion but the only picture i have

I danced with Sophie a bit but to call it dancing is difficult. There were so many people and I was nursing my shoulder bag/ man purse with film camera inside, definitely unintentionally attacking people with my swirly dancing. I may or may not enjoyed a kiss with my brand new housemate and joey may or may not have taken a poop in the club and then talked to the towel guy about it. I dont know- it may have been just some guy but there was post-dump conversation and it was really really late at night. I would ask him but he is still asleep and it is 3pm. Fucker.

In closing, here is my favorite picture from Joey's visit so far. Key elements include: Pretty argentines, a wine bottle opener with broken cork in hand, and the best late night facial expression ever. There are more flattering pictures of these three but I really prefer this one:

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Good Riddance

Dear SNAotB,

I have met some new people that are a lot more fun than you all. We're 8 in total and well, I don't think I'll be needings your hang outs no more. Sam, I won't be here when you get home. I've joined a roving street gang. Kyle too.




Tell my mother I love her.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I never know what to title these GD things

Today is my first day back at classes and it feels so surreal. I'm still in school? I still need to study the human digestive system? Lame. Spring Break was really great. The road trip to Knoxville went smoothly except when at some point on the highway there was a couch in our lane and some swerving needed to be done to avoid the furniture and horse trailer in front of us. It was really nice to see my fam for such a short while. They gave me an adorable bicycle and I gave them Louisiana strawberries. I went with someone who grew up there and he showed me the glory that is Knoxvegas. It's definitely a city but also a suburb of itself. More chain restuarants than I thought possible to be in one place. Chains I thought only existed in airports have mulitple locations in Knoxville. The mountains were gorgeous though and the scene was good. They have a lot of sphere shaped things as well.

Being out of New Orleans I got to enjoy:

-Blueberry beer
-A little snow
-Driving
-The Mall
-Vegetarian food


On the way back we stopped in Birmingham at the Civil Rights Institute. Although I think the museum was kind of poorly done, I really liked the photographs and the in depth look they gave at Birmingham's history since I never learn about the Civil Rights movement in anything but a national perspective.

Rest of my vacay time was fabulous as well. Went to the beach, started working at a coffee shop and burned the shit out of my hand trying to learn to steam milk, did some gardening, ate crawfish, got ridiculous at my friend Samantha's 21st bday party and fell asleep in the grass outside her house.

Mere weeks are left in the semester and then it's all swimming, sweating and galavanting all the time.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Big in Japan

I've never been able to properly explain the strangeness of Japan and specifically, Tokyo. Every now and again I comb through the papers to see whats going on in my former home.

Today I discovered that a monk named Mr. Happiness has started a dial-a-monk hotline, produces a Billy Graham-esque radio program and has invited young rappers to come 'spit rhymes' in his 420 year old temple.

Also, "cat cafes" are all the rage in Tokyo

PETA - for or against the cat cafe? I can't decide.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

GOGOL BORDELLO AND MAN MAN

Friday, June 5th
House of Blues, Boston

any sirs or madams (kri!!) interested in such things? let me know. tickets go on sale april 11.

Monday, March 30, 2009

It's either a moldy watermelon or a fluffy cow. I can't tell!

woah! this might be the busiest work week i have had in months. yet, somehow i have managed to spend nearly half an hour (ok, an hour. ok an hour and a half) reviewing my favorite mcsweeney's lists, sadly. for your case of the mondays:

jokes made by robots, for robots


reasons not to fear the reaper

things this one girl sitting near me in a movie theater said out loud when one of the characters was shown pulling into a gas station

punchlines suggested by ashton kutcher for punk'd that were rejected due to their archaic nature

mildly disturbing greeting card messages


haiku a bitter duck might write


ways in which the hunter might become the hunted

Abita!

New Orleans story time!

So, the local beer of choice around here, since the Dixie Brewery was raped by Katrina, is Abita. It's analogous to Sam Adams in many ways - not the cheapest beer around, though it often can be, and with lots of varieties, seasonals, etc. Also, it's made locally - on the other side of Lake Ponchartrain (on the mythical North Shore). On Saturday, I weaseled my way into (a.k.a. got invited to) their employee crawfish boil. It was perhaps the most magical day of my life.



Yes, that's a wall of 15 taps. Yes, it was all free. Yes, I drank all the kinds of beer, some more than others, for a grand total of something like 20 beers over 6 hours. I was in an excellent place.

The only thing that saved my liver from complete annihilation was a whole crapload of crawfish (for the uninitiated, crawfish are sometimes called "crawdads" or "crayfish" in the north, and they look like tiny lobsters) and a burger that probably weighed 8 pounds.



The magic really hit home when my acquaintance Scott, who's a brewer there, gave us an all access tour. This included suckling directly from the teet of the chilling tanks that give us all that delicious, delicious beer.



Then when we got back to the reasonable shore of the Lake (after crossing the longest bridge over water in the world!), through another circuitous connection, I ended up at one of my favorite bars with one of the owners, and drank for free until about 2:30 am.

It was one of the most glorious days of my entire life.