Wednesday, February 25, 2009

::gasping for breath and coming up for air::

I made it through my first Mardi Gras! I started drinking at 8 AM (one of my last remaining Sparks, so sad!) and drank straight on through till 1 AM - 17 hours of drinking, and marching, and biking, and sitting, and falling. It was such a beautiful day, and I was wearing short shorts, and I have just a mustache! My friend Breonne had my camera all day, but as soon as I have/see hilarious pictures, I will post them here! In the meantime, enjoy this vintage picture of me with just a mustache.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

4 weeks without laundry

ahoy duders tidings from mendoza, argentina. I can see the andes and tomorrow I go hiking in them! fingers crossed. I have been taking the most epic bus rides of my life. Chinatown will feel like nothing at all when i get back. It is amazig how much time it takes to get anywhere in south america. the map is really not a good judge of time and distance though the bus rides are cheap cheap. I took a 12 hour bus ride for about $30 US complete with an air conditioner that broke and shot out black smoke around 3am, an argentinian dude sitting next to me- legs and arms in full contact with mine as some sort of twisted test of tolerance and frustration, a shooting star, and repeated stops so that various police could search bags on the bus. It was... restless. I have been trying to hike while outside the big city and will be heading back to BA to start school shortly (starting in March). Hasta luego amigos y besos y abrazos por todos!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

a chilling account of things i have eaten

i am feeling nostalgic today.

all i wanted for christmas one year was a rock tumbler. i imagined that i could fill it with ugly rocks set it on tumble and produce glorious geodes. after one attempt (that resulted in a bunch of smooth, though still ugly, rocks) i discarded my precious tumbler for a much cooler creepy crawlers set. over the years i ate countless crawlers and i like to think that i am personally responsible for the manufacturer's decision to create an edible, more child-safe crawler formula.

i was always chewing on stencils from my spyrograph set. i also ate a lot of colorforms.

and koala yummies, but they were meant for eating.

one year, i had my birthday party at chuck e cheese's, because it was a real cool place to be a kid and i traded in my tickets for a neat glitter wand. days later, i was playing sorcerer in my backyard and approached my mom, tapped her on the head and said "poof you're a toad". but due to my crippling speech impediment my mom heard "poof you're a turd" and grounded me.

i fell off my bike once, right around the time i got my training wheels off. i was riding down my street and i turned around to wave to my parents and somehow managed to hit a fire hydrant and knock myself out. i woke up back at my house literally covered in band aids and terrified of bikes. i never really rode a bike again, but i did have a bike, and it did have some pretty cool handlebar streamers.

i always wanted floam, but my parents would never let me have it. my dad still swears that children of the 90s are going to die horrible-cancer deaths due to floam exposure.

my childhood was really all about eating things i shouldn't, being punished for being awkward, and being denied floam. oh, and for some reason the book 'there is no such thing as a dragon' played a big role in my upbringing.

clearly, i have spent my afternoon perusing through images of my childhood. i encourage you to do the same.

Where is Sir Allen Stanford? Köln!

We have Mardi Gras, the Germans have...Karneval! Imagine the floats, booze, wigs and boobies but condensed into a day long telethon where people young and old dress up like...I...I just don't know and listen to German Elvis.

Sunday, I will be attending Berlin's version of the festivities, javohl!

It's a marathon, not a sprint. Or both. At the same time. Somehow.

I am so excited for Mardi Gras it's difficult to keep from jumping up and down constantly. I think I will start drinking when I get out of class today at 2 and not stop until midnight on Tuesday. I have three costumes but still need one for the anarchist parade on Sunday. The theme is "What Feeds Us" so I was thinking of spraypainting a box white and going as tofu. But really I want you guys to think of something better for me to be. Kthanx

Last night we went to an art auction benefit for a really awesome project:

The Swimming Cities of Serenissima is a fleet of three intricately hand crafted vessels that will navigate the Adriatic Sea from the Karst region of Slovenia to Venice, Italy in May of 2009... The Swimming Cities of Serenissima are built from salvaged materials, including modified Mercedes car motors with long-tail propellers. The boats' crew is made up of 30 collaborating artists from the United States.As the Swimming Cities move toward Venice, the crew will collect and install keepsakes in an ark-like cabinet of wonders that will be on display on the boats when they arrive. Once in Venice, the boats and crew will offer intimate performances that incorporate music, shadow puppetry, and story.The vessels are imagined as a hybrid between boats and bits of land broken off and headed out to sea. Watching them approach the shore is like seeing a floating city in the distance, as improbable as Venice itself. To the real life crew, the boats are a place of refuge – both a home and a way of moving through the world. To those who encounter the boats for the first time, they are a reminder that anything that can be imagined can be built.

More info here:

ALSO, Dark Dark Dark played and it was swoon worthy. Robert and Matt Brudner, I thought of you fondly.

I was imagining this morning what Mardi Gras would be like if one year you Sirs and Madams Not Appearing came down for this wonderful holiday. But then my head exploded so that's as far as I got.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

some places are like people: some shine and some don't.

i have a debilitating case of "the winters".

the win⋅ters –noun
1. the horrible sleep-disease that results from freezing temperatures and limited sunlight. sufferers of the winters experience lethargy, extreme boredom, and occasionally an insufferable itch-rash on the back of their knees.

i could blog about how badly the backs of my knees itch, but thats not fun. for anyone. so, here's a list of things that i am looking forward to and will probably blog about in the future:

march 3- march 8: logan healy and i descend upon new orleans. in addition to general belligerence i hope to spend some time at tulane, figuring out how i am going to finance my very lucrative degree in social work.

march 20- march 22: i descend upon asheville, north carolina to visit my dear old friend, kirstin.

early may: my college roommate is in the touring production of spring awakening and will be performing a number of shows in boston. for those of you who do not follow the theatre, spring awakening is "set in late-nineteenth century germany, it concerns teenagers who are discovering the inner and outer tumult of sexuality." and how!


may 19: there is a special election in boston. though it shouldn't, this excites me.

what excitement awaits me in the early spring! until then, i shall be re-enacting scenes from the shining with chairman.

Monday, February 16, 2009

ok, so!

Robert - thank you. That was exactly the push I needed. Plus I love you so much that I get giddy just thinking about doing something nice for you.

I have made a couple of posts over on ye olde blogge about random crap.

Hear in New Orleans, we are in the middle of Carnival - Mardi Gras time. I went to my second parade of the season yesterday, after playing with little kids at the UU church. My friend Lydia and I (btw she's the director or religious education at the church, so technically my boss lolz) got a bottle of wine from Rite Aid for $3.49 and drank the whole thing, so we were pretty thoroughly sauced by about, oh, 1:30. I got many things thrown to me off floats, and Lydia got two stuffed animals.

Then we biked into the Quarter to watch the Krewe of Barkus parade their dogs around. I saw a rottweiler dressed as a lady bug. It was weird.

Sadly KDHL missed all of this, but I was jealous that she was "spending" her "actual money" at brunch, and from the way she was careening around when we met up, that eggs florentine treated her right.

This weekend is the fer real Mardi Gras weekend. Many parades, much fun, and a great number of drunk, drunk, DRUNK people. Maybe I will remember my camera for once and take pictures and actually put them on Facebook less than a month afterwards.

And for the record, Robert, I think that John and I have only made out with one common person. Maybe. Also each other.

Lo siento, Roberto.

But life is boring, at least for me.


Yesterday I played The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time at the Space Machine for about ten hours straight. By myself. Sober. The only time I stopped was to go buy a 30 rack of beer which no one drank. Oh, and I stopped to go masturbate in Sam's room (just kidding... maybe.) If anything, it managed to keep my mind off of the fact that it was Valentine's Day. Fuck that shit. Plus I beat the Fire Temple, which was pretty rad.

Anyways, here's a list of things that I am looking forward to and may or may not feel like blogging about in the future:

  • Morrissey's new album, Years of Refusal is coming out on Tuesday. Needless to say, I am excited.
  • Voda is playing a show at the All Asia on February 27th. I expect you all to be there.
  • I'm going to LA in mid March to visit my friend/college roomate Anthony. It will be my first time on the west coast. Personal goal: touch a fake breast.
  • March 29th: I am seeing Morrissey in concert with Jeff. Chances of me turning gay(er) after the show: high.
  • April 18th: Another Voda show at the Squealing Pig.
  • I've started a new band with my friend Kyle and some metal dudes (METAL!!!) that I'm looking forward to.
  • Seeing that they're all the rage these days, I'm entertaining the idea of getting some tattoos. More on that as it develops.
I think that's it. Boring.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Donde estamos?

Where have you all gone? Have your lives suddenly become non-blog worthy? Have you left me for other blogs?

You see, I once relied on sir not appearing for trivial (and sometimes nontrivial) stories of belligerence, political rants, and general tidings of various fun. Timeless stories about people drew and grandma may or may not have made out with, instances of kyle naked, nate hartwell dressed as patric swazey, etc. etc. Though seemingly inconsequential, they were important to me. I felt less and alcoholic and more a member of a strong willed team of ok decisions. There have been recent efforts (thanks allison- happy birthday, and katie thank you for the word Tooters) but the torch seems to be diminishing. Frankly, I do not like it. The comments are sparse and i am writing posts with no point... repeatedly *cough cough*

During the last recession someone proposed the chain-list which was popular and informative though slightly desperate. Lets dig some holes and fill them back in, ok? So what if the last fix wasn't permanent- it worked for a little while. And that is good enough for me.

I guess that I am pretty far from home right now and am in as good of a position to blog as anyone. I am writing from the least comfortable couch in argentina in shorts and a t shirt (take that new england!). It is midnight and I am blogging... is much more needed to be said? There is a reason though... I am tired. Today I started fixing up my future bedroom in a very strange house in south buenos aires. Hours of sanding and spackle-ing and inhaling countless toxins later, I still have lots of work to do but I will be getting free rent for the remainder of the month. win! Ill be living with 2 americans and an argentinian guitarist who doesnt speak much english. double win!

Lastly, I dont really like steak but I am repeatedly told that argentinian beef is life changing. Is this a change I should make?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

making a break for it in new haven town: an exercise in bloggerature

red rose went to new haven with francois the lost cat on saturday. they went to a restaurant with stormy ceilings and a dystopian interior decor. red rose ordered an obnoxiously named drink, The Glitterati, because it had a starfruit balancing precariously on the rim of the glass (the glitterati turned out to be priced at $15 per drink. by the grace of god i only ordered one). red rose and francois met up with several of francois's friends and they all got a bit twatted.

[wikipedia says that twatted is a britishism which means to get drunk. the oed does not include twatted ...quel suprise! it does however contain this juicy archaic term: twatter-light. i like how the description is obs. rare...obvi.]

during drinks, francois texted pleasantly preppy in argyle. preppy is a family friend of francois's upon whom (phrasing makes little or no sense anymore) francois has developed a huge crush, who goes to yale med. school and in whose bed francois had woken up just a few short weeks ago without the slightest idea what events had transpired between 11pm and daylight. as far as we knew pleasantly preppy in argyle had a gf (a fact discovered on the facebookz that included a good bit of stalking) but francois decided to invite him to hang out anyway. an hour later, francois suddenly grabbed red rose's arm and directed her attention to the tall skinny asian girl seated at the bar. she really looked like argyle's gf...what if argyle shows up? thanks to the miracle of modern technology red rose was able to confirm via the "fb bb app" that the suspect was in fact the gf. weird.

anyway, francois and redrose and francois's friends left the bar after and stuffed about 8 people into a car. they all went off to a yale art party which consisted of a giant dark steamy room filled with undergrads. the only beverages to be found were carlo rossi and grain alcohol. due in large part to the grain alcohol beverages, red rose began speaking in broken french which then led to francophoning people's names (i dunno the word for frenchifying names (see the opposite of anglicizing...yes french is the opposite of english now), telling people that the party upstairs was a tea party, letting strangers think she went to yale, showing people what celebrities they resemble on her blackberry...etc etc. needless to say everyone was probably exceedingly perturbed by la rose rouge's presence by the end of the night.

preppy argyle did make an appearance at the sweaty teenager partee and francois made out with him and they went home together.
much to francois's relief, argyle and his gf broke up one week ago.
the night ended with all of francois's friends minus francois and argyle climbing to the roof of the yale architectural school buildling (red rose is in 4 inch stilettos mind you). red rose stole a tiny chair approximately the size of her hand from the rooftop and told the story of how hartford was once beautiful. at the end of the night red rose hopped in the car with francois's friend (a she) and they went back to her parents' house where red rose was given a matching set of plaid flannel pajamas to wear to bed. all in all the night was utterly absurd. when red rose woke up in francois's friend's parents' house she ate bagels and drank coffee and oj with the family and talked about trader joe's business model and obama and newscasters who spout pablum.
I am incapable of copy and pasting with blogger. Sorry Kri.

also- i am not proud of this but i have started another blog for family and non-sirnotappearer's

Monday, February 2, 2009

its 11:12 pm and i have hit the end of the internet

This is not the first time I have given this pre-face, and will certainly not be the last but... I really don't have anything in mind for this post. 
Things that have happened:

Sam got into college. thumbs up!

I have moved for the third time in 5 weeks and will be moving again on Thursday. 

I report dad's beer side from the coldest house in new york state where the only source of heat (defined by the SI unit Joule, or J) is a very pleasant fireplace a story away (1 story = 10 feet), successfully sucking every morsel (denoted by the SI unit of Watts, meaning the rate at which heat (energy, J) transfers (in this case leaving) per second) out of my house. Next to the fireplace is a 3 foot radius of warmth where a very nice cat (named William Bottomley (no middle name)) hogs the chair. I could go into the arithmetic but I would have to channel cory's mensa abilities and he is probably sleeping (with John, who is often denoted as Grandma).

Tonight I sat with my parents and cat and watched Brick, starring that guy from third rock from the sun. (bottom right)
My brother came in over the weekend and the whole family went out to see Milk. Highlights include countless bad mustaches, 3-4 random cuts of emile hirsch dancing, and a pretty good post movie "where were you when" conversation with my folks. I just google imaged "Milk Movie" in search of a bad mustache picture and really struggled for a good one. Sorry.

On thursday I leave again so please give me your addresses so I can send you things. My favorite traveling pass-time is finding and mailing really really inappropriate postcards preferably with naked people on them. I imagine a single post card with a naked man or woman will pass through countless hands on it's international voyage and cause some sort of stir in numerous mail-persons lives. 

Last week I moved out of a place titled "the snake lounge" which did not have a snake. It once did but the kid who owned the snake moved out and gave it to another person who was moving to baltimore named Albie. Albie really wanted the snake but was unsure how to move it so his final plan was to simply put the snake in his coat pocket for the 5 hour bus ride down. He did.

And finally, here is a copy and paste of an e-conversation with the lovely Kri who I will be visiting soon:

Sunday, February 1, 2009