Friday, March 13, 2009

An Open Letter to my Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,
Hey, how's it going? I can't wait to see you in Tennesse in a couple of weekends. I think it will be really fun, especially when I get your other daughters wasted and they have to go back to the hotel drunk at 3 am. Livy will be 18 soon, which should be the drinking age anyway so it's totally fine.

The reason I'm writing is to thank you. I know, I know, this must come as a shock. Normally I criticize your parenting skills and we all know there are some things that could have been handled, um, differently. But today, I want to express my appreciation.

Thank you so much for never taking me to a dentist as a child and neglecting the health of my teeth. Because of this and the problems it has caused, next Friday a graduate student at LSU dental school is paying me $300 to fill two of my cavities for his board exam. This has enabled me to quit the hell that was working on Bourbon St. and look for decent jobs at adorable cafes and shi-shi restaurants. Also, $300 for a couple hours of free dental work is really just incredibly awesome. Because you raised me right, my teeth and time are apparently that valuable.

Say hello to everyone back home for me. Thanks again!


1 comment:

robert said...

kdhl. menace to the age 17.