Thursday, December 25, 2008

soon leaving to join my brethren at the movies

I just went out for a christmas day bike ride- I have spent the last 3 days exclusively eating and sleeping and my dad has a pretty nice bike that he never rides... Typically when I come home, I try and take in some of the country side. Or something. I dont have an ipod so I stole my brothers and began layering for the pretty warm but not warm enough winter day. Tights (oh yeah) that are actually long underwear stolen from my brother back when he worked at a ski shop, two pairs of socks, a sweater and a wind breaker. The only gloves in the house that were not for artic ski conditions were a pair of my moms; two sizes too small but seemingly good enough. After that a beanie and my dad's crappy helmet that fits like a magnum over a flacid penis. Or something. Regardless, the helmet is very loose but fits well enough with a hat under it. I was ready. I took off and headed down my road, aptly called Comfort Trail, which is very very twisty and all the bends happen at the apex of medium to large hills so visibility is... nonexistent. I made it off comfort trail and passed the cow farms that sit next to the small clone houses and again and again. My entire area is a funny contrast of farms, 70's single story houses, McMansions, very old houses, and fields/ woods. I like it. Coming over a hill next to one of my favorite farms that has these really fury cows, a hummer is charging towards me. After nearly running me off the road I catch eyes at the driver and it is none other that Paul from the hit TV show Orange County Choppers. Goddammnit I was enjoying the scenery and never really minded the C list celebrity neighbor (about 2 miles away) but his gas guzzling, ridiculous moustache wielding, hell bent driving made me a mortal enemy. The recent influx of middle age men wearing leather chaps (I wonder if middle age is synonymous with closet flamboyance) driving overpriced harleys was bad enough but now my hatred is personal. In fact, all of the male neighbors on Comfort trail have purchased bikes over the last 3 or 4 years and talk bikes, knowing that my dad and I were motocross'ers. Regardless, my anger was subdued by the scenery and good weather and and good smells and blue jays but I think I have a new purpose in life: to sabotage Orange County Choppers.


harrison grrgeron said...

robert, tell me more of the furry cows. they sound delightful!

kritaliation said...

yes yes.. but I have asked before.. when are you coming down old south america way?

Werd said...

I can't wait to see your adorable man-face in Philly.