Hello, I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Oscar. I am a demon.

This is a list of things I COULD have been, but since the age of 24 realized I never will be:

1. Apathetic
2. Drummer in a femme punk band
3. Ivy League-educated
4. Party to an immaculate conception
5. Well-versed in military history
6. Lady-like
7. A regular contributer to McSweeneys.net
8. One of God's children
9. Debt-free
10. Settled down

This is a list of things that I still could be:

1. Well-traveled
2. Blond
3. Talented whistler
4. Skeleton key collector
5. Like my father
6. Red Sox fan
7. Social smoker
8. 9-5er
9. A regular commenter on Wonkette.com
10. Cougar